Shakespeare -&- Moses

What do you think of Shakespeare?
Because Jesus slept with your mother.

Why is your mom such a whore for religious figures?
So’s your face.

What’s in the sauce?
Uh, I did my thesis on something completely different.

Can you elaborate on that?
Secret ninjas are the answer.

Why does Christian Bale move silently?
An adorable pussycat.

Why?
Because I said so.

What makes you such an expert?
Giving Rod Blagojevich a hand-job.

What would you sell your soul for?
Ask George Bush.

What’s the deal with airline food?
Depends on the variables…

What’s the deal with books anyway?
A baby blue robin’s egg.

Why is Miss Addy’s peanut brittle so good?
It is the madness!

What is the capital of New Mexico?
Margaritas and drag queens.

Hey sugar, what’s your name?
Because all the water was gone and Moses floated away.

Wow, look at that.  Such a nice and bizarre Q&A session.  As per usual, people writing the answers couldn’t see the question.  These are always more miss than hit, but this one turned out nicely.  It’s actually a bit more coherent than a few conversations I’ve had lately.

-BRP

Answer The Question

Why are you so hardcore?
Becuase I was caught not flushing the urinal.

Why do you smell like a ’74 Chevy Nova?
Because I have anal retentive OCD tendencies.

Why do you always look so stylish?
Because I’m cold & tired & still amused.

Why are you such an awesome bowler?
‘Cuz my sense of humor is totally off.

Why do you do that voodoo that you do?
Because I’m a Pieces.

Why do you have such an effeminate lip-ring?
Because I need a hair cut.

Why do you always wear a hat?
Because my ham is sweet and juicy.

Why do you touch butts?
Because the seat of my bike was stolen… once.

Why do you run in circles?
Because I refuse to eat seafood… for farcically moral reasons.

Why are you such a totally awesome writer?
Because I have to pee; but I know I won’t enjoy it as much as I would if I had a penis.

Why are you talking about this?
Because I don’t sleep very much – never have.

Why did your mama let you out of the house wearing that?
Because my cat sounds like Sean Connery.

I don’t have anything of interest to add to this.  It was penned the day before Valentine’s Day of this year; I don’t know if that will help to explain it.  Please bear in mind that each writer was answering a question they had not seen.  That it flows so smooth is a matter of coincidence and a testament to the beautiful nature of our chaotic universe.  Or something.

-BRP

A Month of Java!

I’ve been doing this Coffee Night blog for a month now. What have I learned? What sort of hoary wisdom can I impart to others? How have I managed to keep it up, in the face of adversity?

I’ve learned that you should never check your blog-stats, you never post death-threats (I said I was sorry!) and it’s really not that hard. You just write stuff. I really hope that some other Coffee Nighters decide to post stuff too. It’s not about me, folks, it’s about the good times. (I think)

Anyway, here’s the latest game we cracked out. I’m much happier with this than whatever Valentine’s Day stuff we could’ve done. Enjoy!

Why are you so hardcore?
Because I was caught not flushing the urinal

Why do you smell like a ’74 Chevy Nova?
Because I have anal-retentive OCD tendancies

Why do you always look so stylish?
Because I’m cold and tired and still amused

Why are you such an awesome bowler?
Cuz my sense of humor is totally off

Why do you do that voodoo you do?
Because I’m a Pisces

Why do you have such an effeminate lip ring?
Because I need a haircut

Why do you always wear a hat?
Because my ham is sweet and juicy

Why do you touch butts?
Because the seat of my bike was stolen… once

Why do you run in circles?
Because I refuse to eat seafood… for farcically moral reasons

Why are you such a totally awesome writer?
Because I have to pee, but I know I won’t enjoy it as much as I would if I had a penis

Why are you talking about this?
Because I don’t sleep very much, never have

Why did your momma let you out of the house wearing that?
Because my cat sounds like Sean Connery

This whole Q&A thing is kinda cool, I think. Maybe we should mix it up more often. It could be interesting to keep on inventing newer, weirder games. I’ll do my best to keep the gears spinning. Cheers!

-BRP

What IS it?!

What is your problem?
It is but a fevered dream

What is your Halloween costume?
It is the glorious sound of baby kittens

What is your mojo filter?
It’s a bad mama-jamma

What is the meaning of life?
It is a cryin’ shame…

What is a “monster truck”?
It is BANANAS… topped with nuts and a cherry!

What is the warping of space-time?
It is the true cause of morning wood

What is in Pat’s head goo?
It constitutes a threat to our way of life

What is the sound of one hand clapping?
It is marvelous and smells like soup

What is that on your face?
It is the hottie and the nottie

What is your morality worth?
It is so incredibly awesome, I must monkey dance!

What is the bestest thing in the world?
It is undeniably hawt!

What is the secret password?
Pickle pants and blueberry pancakes!

I hope that clears things up. There was a helluva lot more coolness from Coffee Night, but it’ll have to wait until later. Cheers!

-BRP