Texas Cult Remix

Maybe it’s just me, but everywhere I look, the world seems more and more insane.  Corn production is eaten up by bio-diesel, which causes starvation.  Japan is out of cheese.  The price of rice (RICE, for Bob’s sake!) has skyrocketed.  Meat prices are at an all-time high, but Canada is paying pig ranchers to kill off their stock.  And, of course, there are the cults.

Russian doomsday cults in caves, Japanese death cults in subways, US racist cults in silos…  At least the creepy Mormon cults are getting their day in the sun.  Child-brides and forced family swapping, all led by a charismatic and tyrannical Father.

Praise Eris, that the internet is there to provide context.  Understanding.  Solace.

Ahhhh… that makes everything feel much better.  Thanks internet!

-BRP

PS:  Jon ‘Baldy’ Gates will be at java – tomorrow night.  You have been warned…

Charlie Rose

Submitted without comment. Except this one. And that one. Oh, hell, so there are a few comments. Enjoy.

“Steve is not happy with the… process so far.”

-BRP

Real vs. Fictional

Oh, my aching gourd. Coffee night left my subconscious mind feeling bruised and sore. Ok, maybe I showed up a little damaged, but there was something especially odd last night. If I had to describe it, I’d make some kind of musical reference: Last night’s theme song was a David Bowie medley, performed by a TMBG/Ween jam session. There, how’s that?

Somehow, we got on the subject of ‘Real’ people versus ‘Fictional’ characters. I could reach deep down and pick out some kind of pseudo-intellectual ‘artist statement’ if you like. Hm, let’s see…

The juxtaposition of ‘Real’ versus ‘Fictional’ highlights the duality of human consciousness. The face we wear in public is always at odds with our private self. The ‘roles’ we assume in our daily relations differ little from the secrets that lie behind the masks. By highlighting the absurdist yadda yadda, blah blah, blahbity blah…

You get the picture. Hey, I’ve got an idea! Howzibout I shut up and post the Thing? Good? Here is Thing.

Action Figure Cave?!

Ladies and gentlemen, I (not so) proudly present: The ABCs of ASS!

(I couldn’t resist the temptation…)

(image from Wikipedia)

A
Ass
Action figure cave
Anus

B
Butt
Booty
Badonkadonk
Back door
Brown eye
BUHgina
Buns

C
Crack
Cavern
Cracker-ass
Chocolate starfish
Cheeks
Can

D
Derriere
Dooky machine

E
Enema zone
Ew
Excrement exit

F
Fart factory
Flesh pocket

G
Guteous

H
Heinie
Hershey highway
Humps
Hamhocks
Hot pockets

I
Ick
Ink well

J
Junk in the trunk

K
Kaboose

L
Lower lumps

M
Mudflaps
Mangina

N
No-man’s-land
Noise maker

O
O-ring
Other vagina
O-zone

P
Poopsmith
Poop chute
Park ‘n ride

Q
Quarter-pounder

R
Royale
Rump
Rump roast
Rectum

S
Situpons
Sphincter
Shitter
Sputnik
Sweet juicy ham

T
Tuchus
Toilet topper

U
Underbits
Uranus
Undercarriage

V
Vagina 2: The Sequel
VAG2

W
Waste wagon
Wagon yer draggin’
Wazoo

X
XXX*

Y
Yum-yum

Z
Zeppelin

I can’t believe I almost forgot to post this!  It might not seem significant to you, but this game holds some pretty powerful in-joke, meta-humor weirdness.  My gawd!  “Action Figure Cave”?!  Holy shit.  It’s a long story, but all I can say is this: I will never touch another, uh, used action figure if I can help it.  Ew.  Ew, with a capital WTF?

This game was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, while we were busy doing another game.  Given that, I’m pleased that we managed to nail at least one for ever letter.  Obviously we missed some, but we were just seeing what popped out.  So to speak.  (ahem)

Please – by all means – feel free to add to our collective ‘wisdom’ in the comments.  Cheers!

-BRP

PS:
“Why Zeppelin for Z?” you ask, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I say, go to hell.  Whether we’re talkin’ about Led, or the dirigible kind, it’s always classy to end with ZEPPELIN!  w00t!!!111eleven!!!

Cougar Burger

A: “… and I had a Cougar Burger –“

Me:  “Wait. You had a Cougar Burger?! Oh my god – that’s so dirty!”

A:  (laughs) “Oh, you know it is.”

E:  “Oh my god. It’s like an older woman’s BEAV!”

And so, we come to the musical portion of tonight’s festivities.  Based on idiotic morning dj “antics”:  Your Favorite Sex Act, As A Food Name.

Blow-pop
Reece’s Pieces
Double-Decker Taco
French Dipper
Stay-Puff
Quarter-Pounder with cheese
Rooty-tooty, fresh ‘n fruity
S’mores… mmm…
Monte Cristo
Mountain Dew
Hand-Dipped Milkshake
All-you-can-eat seafood platter
Cake ‘n Eggs
Fun Dip
Pie ala mode
Bullseye
Pigs in a blanket
Chocolate-covered pretzel
Hootnannies
Snickerdoodle
Cougar burger
Hungarian goulash
Fish taco (too easy!)
Fine aged cheddar
Red vines
Key lime pie
Original Grand Slam
Creamed Bagel
Stuffed french toast
Twice-baked potato
Creamed corn
Bangers and mash
Chocolate fondue
Cherry Garcia
Pulled pork

Please – PLEASE! – if you have more… don’t tell me.  I seem to have lost my appetite from just this much.  For a really funny time-waster, try to figure out who wrote down which food item.  Uh huh.  I mean, I’ll readily admit to putting down Pigs in a blanket, ok?  That’s nothing like the Double-decker taco – which is just plain disgusting.  Ew.  Oh, wait… it’s like two vaginas!  Nevermind.

-BRP