These Hoary Chestnuts

(image: Rude Cactus)

And now for some time-honored haiku fun!

Santa is coming
Put more wood in the fireplace!
Put more wood in me

Eagan’s gives good shake
Hanukkah is in my cat
My manhood – engorged!

Blow him off hard, man!
Hospital – he has earned it
He died twice, beat that!

You can beat it twice
Just take your lumps and like it
Sexy lady lumps

It is cold in here
Fuck this horrible weather!
I need a hot pot

My Hanukkah snake
Jewish trousers can’t tame it!
Stop, you’re not Jewish

*I hope you enjoyed it.  We certainly did.  Cheers!

-BRP

A Letter to a Sick Friend

Dearest, darling Trevor,

Have Madeline put edible paint on yourself.  Here are some silly, ridiculous things to remember.   First of all, don’t let them commit you to crazification!

Nobody will know.  For fun, let’s say that we document your stupor.  Watch out, Ed McMahon live in the hospital.  So, maybe in the wee hours.  I wanted her, besides, the buttherface nurse was HAWT!  You better be careful when you drink chicken soup.  The leprechaun said, “You should know, your rats are in my novel.” “Alas! Alack! Hark!”  Then he said, she said, “The End.”  Never trust women in purple.  Watch out, because Barney is an antichrist.

When you are better, come to my orgy.  I invited you.  If you come, we can ride my favorite pony.  We love you because you’re such a little girl.

yours always,
Coffee Night