Things To Do Before You Die!

Another ABC, but this time as a list.  Ooh, we love lists…

Allow myself to do something dirty.
Blow Trevor.
Cruise in the Bahamas.
Discover what it’s like to have three wives.
Eight guys at once!
Find the little man in the sailboat.
Gestate.
Happen upon a treasure map.
Invent a new language.
Jump off a cliff into water.
Keel-haul with penile pirates.
Let somebody else drive for a change.
Make James pay for the damage to my soul.
Name a disease.
Own a medium-sized country.
Put it in the action figure cave.
Queef one million times.
Rock out with your cock out.
Seduce a kindergarten teacher.
Take candy from a baby.
Unearth El Dorado.
Virginity:  reclaim it.
Wrangle baby kittens for charity.
X-rays: get them, look at them, show them to your friends.
Yank on a fart.
Zap zappable things!

For those who are curious, “action figure cave” will become clear in the next posting.  We talked a lot about fetishes this week.  Strange, dangerous and downright wrong.  The biggest realization that I had is this:

“No matter what you are doing – at any given point during the day – someone, somewhere is will to jerk off to it.”

Think about that for awhile.  Better yet, don’t.  Just act natural.  Sure.

-BRP

Dear Gary Gygax…

In honor of the O.G. D.M., we present this surrealist letter.  Enjoy.

Dear Dungeon Master,
It’s you fault I’m a geek.  For my first game, I made my mother cry.  She deserved it – no one spills Mountain Dew and then gives me a time out!
Back to you, though.  You are my “Mommy Dearest” of gaming.  My Led Zepplin of gansta dice rollin’.  I remember the dark days of the barbarian horde acid tests.  Those blurred times of natural twenties and funions drove me to natural lovin’.  My magic sword of bugbear attraction.  What happened next made me shake in my tunic.
The reason I’m writing you is that you’re dead.  Roll in peace, in open-ended critical heaven –

(heart)
(name withheld)

As a bonus, I’m going to post this chart.  If you’ve never seen it before… well, you haven’t missed much.  But it is pretty damned funny.

Cheers!  I’ll post some more stuff tomorrow!

-BRP