Birthday Haiku Again

Once again we have randomized our brains and lubricated our words with coffee – all for the sake of celebrating the birthday of a friend.  He has many names, but we call him…  Well, that’s not important.

Fucking piece of cake
It’s all up in my shit now
Exit only man

Big and hairy man
We love your huge bulk and heart
Your love kills slowly

I know what I want
A pony, a doll house and
A nasal lavage

Papa bear hug time
Baby bear grips a pillow
Lay back, enjoy it

We want you to dance!
Please sing more “Swamp Thing” for us!
Birthday blowjob, eh?

And there you have it.  Not exactly the most universal birthday haiku, but perfectly appropriate for our purposes.  Just remember:  birthdays are real, the rest is speculation.

-BRP

ABC Haiku Christmas

Still playing catch-up with our holiday themed weirdness.  Like so.

(pic from plasticrevolver)

A/B/C HAIKU CHRISTMAS!

Amazing presents
Before ripping them open
Cock-smear each to claim

Drafty mansion smells
Elegant decorations
Fruitcake poo all night

Great green globs of cheer
Habitate my sinuses
Icicle boogers

Just in time for gin
Kills the pain of heaving them
Loathsome is their sound

Murder most merry
No! You bastard! Don’t kill me!
O! Cruel Santa Claus

Palpatate, oh heart
Quiver with happy urges
Regurgitate love

Santa touched my stuff
“Thank you,” I told him. We smiled
Under the tree: Swag!

Vacant Christmas stares
Watching me with empty eyes
X-rays on my chest

Yellow snow is gross
Zeus versus Jesus: who wins?
Me, motherfucker

This piece of obligatory, offensive, purile and GENIUS art was actually done on Christmas Eve.  Yep, we went ahead and did Thursday Night Coffee on the most precious fucking night of the year.  I guess.

Honestly, it’s hard to pick my favorite here.  It’s tough competition between PQR & STU and the YZ* is freakin’ amazing… kinda.

-BRP

These Hoary Chestnuts

(image: Rude Cactus)

And now for some time-honored haiku fun!

Santa is coming
Put more wood in the fireplace!
Put more wood in me

Eagan’s gives good shake
Hanukkah is in my cat
My manhood – engorged!

Blow him off hard, man!
Hospital – he has earned it
He died twice, beat that!

You can beat it twice
Just take your lumps and like it
Sexy lady lumps

It is cold in here
Fuck this horrible weather!
I need a hot pot

My Hanukkah snake
Jewish trousers can’t tame it!
Stop, you’re not Jewish

*I hope you enjoyed it.  We certainly did.  Cheers!

-BRP

Equinox Haiku Orgy

This is crazy time
Batshit can be loads of fun!
I am the walrus

 

Pat is the walrus
His tusks are not just for show
Blood waters clover

Hot coconut bras
Nasty, juicy maracas
Make me dance funny

<> <> <>

Convicts do the jive
Baby shake your tail feather
The tail feather is!

The cat hides at night
He is the kitten savior
Shatner loves his pussy

(image: BitchBuzz, Flickr)

Haiku are always so strange.  Sometimes they flow with a perfect rhythm and other times they fall like a brick dropped on a pile of dog shit.  Since these were all created via some communal-mind, addled by copious amounts of coffee, I think I can overlook some of the defects.  After all, it delivered perhaps the Greatest Shatner Haiku of all time.  That counts for a lot.

-BRP

Electoral Frottage!

Personally, I like the idea of ‘Electoral Frottage’.  Ya know, the “non-penatrative sex” kind.  It’s a good metaphor about our national politics.  I sort of feel like that from time to time – as if I were the victim of some kind of fully clothed sexual/political assault.  Oh, I’m sorry – a ‘survivor’.  Well, so far…

(I removed the photos -BRP Jan ’09)

Look!  We have topical haiku madness!  Surreal, sublime and scatalogical.  Mm mm, good.

Don’t besmirch the hat
I’m the vice-president of you
Pork pie politics

Blue boxes open
Satan’s puppies want a home
In downtown L.A.

Beer is amazing!
The balm that soothes memory
Bite the hand that feeds

Feed the dog that bites
Bite the dog that pees on you
John Holmes saves the day

Penis twice a day
Makes the doctor stay away
My pancreas hurts

I sure do not know
Why the way you did it is
The eye of the tiger

And we’re done.  I don’t know why, but “pork pie politics” is too damned funny.  Maybe it’s because of the power of my own hat.  Hey!  You know what?  You should leave a comment, even if it’s just to insult my hat, or whatever.  And that is my desperate plea for attention for the day.  Cheers!

-BRP

Birthday Haiku!

Narcissus – the birth flower for March.  Aptly named, for all you Pisces/Aries types?

a birthday so sweet
for the girl with the pink hat
with the short short hair

effervescent pink
happy birthday,  sexy bitch
you’re all kinds of old!

I’m a birthday cat
please rub my fuzzy belly
rub it now or DIE!

wee baby kittens
jumping and playing with stuff
endless soft touches

birthdays are like sex
wet, sticky and sometimes hot
baby kitten pie

you are the killer
of all that is Hobbit-like
magic and whispers

life spinning you by
like sand through the hourglass bitch
that’s what it’s about

pie, pie, pie and cake!
benedict and such happy
Hobbits are skittles

I can’t pretend that any of that makes any sense, but that’s you problem.  Oh, did you want some logic and formalism with your surreal poetry?  Maybe if you cry hard enough, Salvador Dali will come by and slap you with a fish.  Or maybe a tiny painting of a fish.  That’ll teach you.  CURB YOUR EXPECTATIONS! {[,]l[,]}

Um, I mean… I hope you liked those.   Yeah.

-BRP

Hillary -vs- Obama

bottom of the cup

HEY! It’s time for more SG haiku! Yay!

kittens in mittens
what is this world coming to?
vote for Obama!

Hillary shall reign
over all the monkey towns
happy monkey dance

go-go pudding pop
sometimes a great notion
is better not done

teeth in vaginas
that sounds like a bad date dude…
Hillary’s bettah!

Haiku, yuku, we all ku for haiku

I finally found the usb cords for my camera and my audio recorder. I plan on making use of the pics and sounds and videos soon. For the time being, though, our dreams of a Coffee Night podcast are gonna have to wait.

I thought I’d take this opportunity to post some of our S.G. haiku. Since I’m only posting the stuff I really, really like, these are all from This Is Not A Book. After this, there are only one or two example of games left to post. I think “A, B, C” and some of the old, dusty “Rhyme/Opposite” types are the only ones I have done yet.

there is no reason
only love and bad gut pain
could move me this way

 

I was on mushrooms
my mind became a pony
spur my lobes, I run

 

what the fuck bozo?
bozo the assassin clown
death in squeaky shoes

 

I need the sun’s glow
like I need a second butt
twice the shit for me!

 

all these sodomites
coming to coffee for grease
and heaven for love

 

There, that about does it. A fine selection of our most brilliant haiku. Mad skills we bring. I’d like to point out that you can subscribe to this blog, so you don’t miss any developments. Not that I’m at all ashamed of urging people to check it out – I just thought you should know. Cheers!

-BRP