ABC Haiku Christmas

Still playing catch-up with our holiday themed weirdness.  Like so.

(pic from plasticrevolver)

A/B/C HAIKU CHRISTMAS!

Amazing presents
Before ripping them open
Cock-smear each to claim

Drafty mansion smells
Elegant decorations
Fruitcake poo all night

Great green globs of cheer
Habitate my sinuses
Icicle boogers

Just in time for gin
Kills the pain of heaving them
Loathsome is their sound

Murder most merry
No! You bastard! Don’t kill me!
O! Cruel Santa Claus

Palpatate, oh heart
Quiver with happy urges
Regurgitate love

Santa touched my stuff
“Thank you,” I told him. We smiled
Under the tree: Swag!

Vacant Christmas stares
Watching me with empty eyes
X-rays on my chest

Yellow snow is gross
Zeus versus Jesus: who wins?
Me, motherfucker

This piece of obligatory, offensive, purile and GENIUS art was actually done on Christmas Eve.  Yep, we went ahead and did Thursday Night Coffee on the most precious fucking night of the year.  I guess.

Honestly, it’s hard to pick my favorite here.  It’s tough competition between PQR & STU and the YZ* is freakin’ amazing… kinda.

-BRP

Cougar Burger

A: “… and I had a Cougar Burger –“

Me:  “Wait. You had a Cougar Burger?! Oh my god – that’s so dirty!”

A:  (laughs) “Oh, you know it is.”

E:  “Oh my god. It’s like an older woman’s BEAV!”

And so, we come to the musical portion of tonight’s festivities.  Based on idiotic morning dj “antics”:  Your Favorite Sex Act, As A Food Name.

Blow-pop
Reece’s Pieces
Double-Decker Taco
French Dipper
Stay-Puff
Quarter-Pounder with cheese
Rooty-tooty, fresh ‘n fruity
S’mores… mmm…
Monte Cristo
Mountain Dew
Hand-Dipped Milkshake
All-you-can-eat seafood platter
Cake ‘n Eggs
Fun Dip
Pie ala mode
Bullseye
Pigs in a blanket
Chocolate-covered pretzel
Hootnannies
Snickerdoodle
Cougar burger
Hungarian goulash
Fish taco (too easy!)
Fine aged cheddar
Red vines
Key lime pie
Original Grand Slam
Creamed Bagel
Stuffed french toast
Twice-baked potato
Creamed corn
Bangers and mash
Chocolate fondue
Cherry Garcia
Pulled pork

Please – PLEASE! – if you have more… don’t tell me.  I seem to have lost my appetite from just this much.  For a really funny time-waster, try to figure out who wrote down which food item.  Uh huh.  I mean, I’ll readily admit to putting down Pigs in a blanket, ok?  That’s nothing like the Double-decker taco – which is just plain disgusting.  Ew.  Oh, wait… it’s like two vaginas!  Nevermind.

-BRP