Big props to Epic, for finally acquiring this list from his class. “Similes and Comparisons” is the title and if I recall correctly, it’s cribbed from various ‘pulp’ novels (classic detective fiction at least). It reads like… well, it’s like… something.
Let your eyes feast on these words. Imagine that they describe someone in particular.
As noiseless as a finger in a glove
Lower than a badger’s balls
As systematic as a madam counting the take
About as French as a doughnut
His face was long enough to wrap twice around his neck
As much sex appeal as a turtle
A nose like a straphanger’s elbow
As clean as an angel’s neck
Smart as a hole through nothing
A face like a collapsed lung
So tight his head squeaks when he takes his hat off
As cold as a nun’s breeches
High enough to have snow on him
As shiny as a clubwoman’s nose
He sipped like a hummingbird drinking dew from a curled leaf
As gaudy as a chiropractor’s chart
A mouth like wilted lettuce
His smile was wide, about three-quarters of an inch
A thready smile
As cold as Finnegan’s feet
As rare as a fat postman
The triangular eye of a squirrel
Longer than a round trip to Siam
As cute as a washtub
Lonely as a caboose of a fifty car freight
A great long gallows of a man with a ravaged face and a haggard eye
A sea sick albatross
Wow. What a trip, eh? See if you can guess who the author of the majority of that is – Raymond Chandler, or Dashiell Hammett?
Coffee Night 
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