Sacred Disease

5 02 2010

Once again, we chopped up books*.

book chopping 002
(click to embiggen)

Transcription:

ON THE SACRED DISEASE

Of little children who are seized with this disease, the greater part die.
Do not take the small bag.
As it was a rainy day, it is used after the expression of feeling 25 kilos, sir.
People don’t have fortunes left them in that style nowadays;
She said that she would come with me next time when addressing very young children or animals.
Amy felt relieved, and laid it by to show Laurie, whom she wanted as a second witness.
His brother Dimitri collect Old Masters, esp. Dutch School, Flemish masters and it is used for direct commands.
What traffic in the streets!  A very strange paradox exists in a very easy business.
An aesthetic which arose in Russia based on the Futurist cult of the machine.
All right.  Please send a boy.
Have you tobacco, perfume or liquors to declare?
“How long have you been here?”
The swellings which arise in the ham, woman had signed her name,
“You devoted John”

*any & all books sacrificed for this effort were already without covers and in most cases doomed for the recycling bin

-BRP





Day Job Orchestra

14 01 2010

Please note:  I did not create this, nor am I affiliated with DJO.  I am, however, totally in love with these guys.  I want to crawl into their video editing software and make sweet, dirty sex to the Weirdness.

Oh, I’m sorry – is that TMI?  STFU, I am ROFLMAO.  It’s like someone shot down a ROFLcopter with a LMAOcket.  And, uh, then there was a… um… crash?  Yeah.

-BRP





Kingdom, Phylum, Class, etc

21 02 2008

I really don’t know what to say about this. It just… happened. It started when someone said “PENIS!”, to see a certain someone else crack up. From there, (un)natural scientific curiosity took over. For a moment, I actually felt a little sorry for the other patrons, who had to listen to us shout these out to each other.

<> <> <>

a trouble of quim
a murder of vaginas
a pod of cunts
a crock of cunts
a plethora of pussy
a flock of sniz
a tangle of twats
a mess of poon
a gargle of cooze
a gaggle of cooch
a clutch of cooze
a batch of vag
a batch of bajingo
an ogle of ovum
a school of tuna
a pack of snatch
a horde of hoo-hoo
a bushel of bush
a hive of hoochie
a sisterhood of yaya
a porche of pooter

a copse of cocks
a team of shlong
a procession of shlong
a dangle of pud
a bucket of trouser-snake
a stampede of stump
a herd of hard-on
a litter of love rod
a den of wiener
a flock of cock
a pack of babymaker
a scrote of junk
a frat of wang
a skouch of shwing-shwong
a wad of wrinklestein
a faggot of rod
a mischief of man-meat
a swarm of jimmy
a grove of peepers
a pile of penis
a pride of prick

 

I’m curious to see if there are any obvious ones that we missed. Well? Whatcha got? Cheers!

-BRP





Cruelty To Badgers

19 02 2008

violating king’s wife
violating king’s eldest daughter
violating wife of king’s eldest son and heir
throwing offensive weapon or matter at sovereign with intent to alarm
levying war against the sovereign in his or her realm
buggery
buggery with woman
buggery with animal
buggery with man in private
bugger with man other than in private
procuring a woman who is defective
procuring a woman by false pretences
abducting unmarried girl under eighteen
procuring poison to effect miscarriage
supplying poison to procure miscarriage
placing non-human embryo in a woman
counseling female to be circumcised
riding horse furiously in street
wantonly disturbing inhabitant by knocking on door or ringing doorbell
keeping a disorderly house
obstructing railways
removing buoys
rout
affray
voyeurism
sacrilege
theft of wild creatures
theft of wild flowers
using explosive to take fish
discharging stone or missile to kill or take fish
handling salmon in suspicious circumstances
cruelty to badgers
disturbing badger when it is occupying badger lair
possessing or controlling dead badger
offering prizes to forecast result of future events
opening an incorrectly delivered postal packet
fraudulently evading bingo duty
falsely pretending to be a deserter
abstracting electricity
failure to remove disguise when required by constable
wasting police time

“From a list compiled in 2006 by British police chiefs of more than 5,000 offenses warranting that the DNA of an arrested suspect be retained for life in a national database.”

Lifted (shamefully) from Harper’s magazine.

I’m sure that the above list of offenses were just grandfathered into whatever DNA database rules the UK police were putting together.  Still and all, the list reads like poetry to me.  I laughed and laughed, when I got to “cruelty to badgers”.

Damn, I love me some medieval laws and customs.  Cheers!

-BRP





It’s like a simile…

8 02 2008

    Big props to Epic, for finally acquiring this list from his class.  “Similes and Comparisons” is the title and if I recall correctly, it’s cribbed from various ‘pulp’ novels (classic detective fiction at least).  It reads like… well, it’s like… something.

Let your eyes feast on these words.  Imagine that they describe someone in particular.

As noiseless as a finger in a glove
Lower than a badger’s balls
As systematic as a madam counting the take
About as French as a doughnut
His face was long enough to wrap twice around his neck
As much sex appeal as a turtle
A nose like a straphanger’s elbow
As clean as an angel’s neck
Smart as a hole through nothing
A face like a collapsed lung
So tight his head squeaks when he takes his hat off
As cold as a nun’s breeches
High enough to have snow on him
As shiny as a clubwoman’s nose
He sipped like a hummingbird drinking dew from a curled leaf
As gaudy as a chiropractor’s chart
A mouth like wilted lettuce
His smile was wide, about three-quarters of an inch
A thready smile
As cold as Finnegan’s feet
As rare as a fat postman
The triangular eye of a squirrel
Longer than a round trip to Siam
As cute as a washtub
Lonely as a caboose of a fifty car freight
A great long gallows of a man with a ravaged face and a haggard eye
A sea sick albatross

Wow.  What a trip, eh?  See if you can guess who the author of the majority of that is – Raymond Chandler, or Dashiell Hammett?

Read the rest of this entry »





Eyes & Throats

25 01 2008
Hey, look!
In the interests of FUN, I’m posting these… odd Coffee Night photos. I find them to be equally fascinating and disturbing. Enjoy.

Yay! There’s that. Have fun, trying to match up those gorgeous eye to the terrible, terrible mouths. Cheers!

-BRP





Play with your food!

22 01 2008

    I’ll be the first to admit that our Coffee Night shenanigans can get outta hand.  The near-total abandonment of civil ‘norms’ is what caused me to start calling it the Poor Man’s Algonquin Table, after all.  Besides the farting (TJ) and the inappropriate touching (TJ!) and the utterly disgusting, gut-churning things some people say (TJ– oh wait, that’s me), we also like to play with things.  Sometimes, we take pictures.  Enjoy.


mmm… how’s that smell?


finger food!


still tender


why does this one bother me so?


ahhh… foot butter…


SQUISHY! squish squish squish!

And, finally, I’d like to introduce you to…

the pickle skier!

No, I don’t really understand ‘why’ either.  That’s ok.  It’s all part of a process.  What process?  Hm, howzibout “the process of transformative context, via the mechanism of cognitive dissonance – interruption of normal, expected narratives in the actions (lives) of common objects (such as food) brings new insights and discoveries; to the meanings of the objects, the relationship with the viewer and most especially to the world around us”…

Of course, I could be talking out my ass.  Maybe we are just playing with our food.  Ya know, either way…

-BRP